The Lost Art of Patintero

It's strange how one simple, stupid, useless, drunken comment can undo two weeks' worth of happiness...

Now that I have finally thought about it - it's not really so strange. I guess there are moments when one straw can break the camel's back. It's just frustrating how everything can fall apart just like that. Maybe I've been so immersed in being happy that I forgot my own mantra: sometimes the sunlight can blind you. I was always careful about not being too happy because there's really no other way to go but be unhappy after that. But because I've resolved to let people in and live my life without the restrictions of my mantras and theories, the past few weeks have been an exercise in letting the new me out.

But the universe has once again decided to do its own exercise of its prerogative to balance itself out. It seems as if it has decreed that no one should have two straight weeks of happiness. And so the wee hours of Sunday morning happened. It's a pity that I made a promise to myself (one that I swore up and down I would never break) to forget my years of perfecting the art of studied indifference - just this once because maybe something good might come out of it and cried in public.

And something good did come out of it. I made some friends. I discovered that I can be a people person. I found out that I can be liked. That I might actually, actually survive in the corporate world with its rules and politics and time-keeping.

Looks like I've spoken too soon. But I'm not giving up. I'm not going back to my shell and hide there just because of some careless remark that probably wasn't even meant for me. The last two weeks have given me something I have never had before: a sense of purpose. Which is funny, when you think about it. Half the time, I was quivering with the thought that I might be doing a scrappy job and I expected everyone to hate me. But they didn't. Of course, now they might hate me.

I don't care about that. But I do care about the people I like - it doesn't even matter too much if they like me back or not. I cannot control how others feel about me. If they decide to change their minds (whether for the good or the bad) it doesn't matter that much.

It's like what happened before that Sunday dawn: grown people playing patintero just because they had nothing else to do. The time that we spent playing that children's game made me realize what I've always known and believed, but sometimes forget: happiness is not a state of mind; it's all about moments.

So I will learn from before that Sunday dawn, but I will treasure the patintero moment. I will keep it in my memories for as long as I can hold off Alzheimer's and go back to it and rehash it whenever a "before that Sunday dawn" happens.

In a way then, I am grateful for that. It was a mixed blessing. It made me realize that while nothing lasts forever, I should cherish the time that it was with me. Whether it be a person or a certain event, just be grateful that he or she was there or that it happened. Whatever thing that has marred it, treat it as if it was a certain necessary evil. The bitter always makes the sweet sweeter - or something like that.

And although they have no idea this blog exists, I want to thank the people who have inadvertently taught me the lost art of patintero - also called The Art of Letting Go.